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Morning Traffic

July 23, 2009

Is there really anything more boring, depressing and annoying as morning traffic? This is essentially what it is: an opportunity for you to do nothing except fight sleepiness, and contemplate your life.

Of course, stuck in traffic, you aren’t necessarily in the best mood, and you are wondering why God saw fit to curse you with the traffic that is all around you. So, naturally, when you’re busy thinking about your life (since you have nothing else to do) you begin to wonder, “What did I do wrong to get me here, at this moment, right now, wedged in between a Chevy Tahoe, a Yukon, a mini cooper and a Honda? Where did I go wrong?”

You begin thinking about that, then you glance down at your gas meter, and you notice that you’re runnin’ low, so you begin to worry that, on top of this shitty traffic, your car may just stop moving, and then you would become one of the unbelieveably huge ass holes that ADDS to the already insurmountable traffic that lies ahead of and behind you.

To get your mind off of that imminent tragedy, you find a glimmer of hope, “Oh!” you think. “I’ll turn on the radio! Any number of great songs could be playing, and that will pass time splendidly!” So, innocently, you turn on the radio, and you try to hear the music above the honking and cursing that is occuring all around you. On the first radio station, you hear Soulja Boy’s brand new piece of shit, “Turn My Swag On.” You immediately change stations, preferring death. Next station, the DJs are in the middle of a conversation with some guy who is talking about how his wife won’t have sex with him anymore. Next station, Taylor Swift. No!! Next station, commericals, next station, some stupid rap song you can’t understand but vaguely recognize is about a man suggesting to a woman that she should continue to “shake her ass” if she desires his company. Next station, commercials.

It is at that point that you give up and resign yourself to simply sitting in traffic, in silence, thinking about how much your life sucks. Then someone cuts you off. Then another person honks at you. Then you get exhaust blown directly into your windshield.

Then you think, “I am never getting in a car again.”

And then you do the same thing the next day, and the next day and the next day until the end of your days.

Have a lovely day.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 23, 2009 5:16 pm

    NPR is wonderful in the mornings. I also enjoy working on music while stuck in traffic – sing out!

  2. Preston Cooper permalink
    July 30, 2009 3:33 pm

    I laughed out loud at the image of you being sandwiched by all the crap cars. I’ve had that same feeling myself, many many times! Go Emilia

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