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Who I Am

January 12, 2010

It is so easy to give yourself a title, or call yourself a name. I could say I’m an iguana, a cloud, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I could tell people I love to shop, or that I am reeeeeally into, like, oh my god, going to the beach.

I could pretend I love shopping and dark chocolate and Miley Cyrus. I could even say that I don’t mind people like Bill O’Reilly.

And sometimes, honestly, that would be easier. I could pretend to be a person that other people — THOSE people — approve of. Actually, most of the time that is the easier path to take. There is no trouble, no turmoil, no issue. All feathers go unruffled, all tempers go unboiled.

But its at times like these, the times when you know that who you are is going to make your life that much more difficult — the times when you truly start to question who you are just so you can give yourself a break — its moments like these that matter the most.

If I lied to myself now — if I changed — sure, I’d fit in perfectly. I’d straighten my hair, I’d wear the heels, I’d laugh when appropriate. I’d sigh, I’d giggle, I’d sneer. But I’d never dream. I’d never believe. I’d never hope. I’d never be the same.

That unique person — that delicate, beautiful, rare thing that was my persona — would be lost in the debris. I would let go of everything my hands have held since day one. I would be lost. I would be … them. And I don’t want to be them. I want to be me.

And I will be me, dammit. No matter how hard that is … I’ll be me. That is ALL I’ll be. That’s good enough for me.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. victoria permalink
    January 12, 2010 6:29 pm

    I adore you. Just the way you are.

    And you will find, over time, that being you will only seem difficult at times. For the most part, it will provide you with the joy of knowing the highest highs and traveling the more interesting journeys, entering those unusual, far-away places reserved only for creatures who dare to be different. People who love unreservedly and who don’t need to check with anything more than study, sound heart and reason when responding to a situation.

    Trust your heart. Trust your instincts. Don’t be distracted by the noise!

  2. January 14, 2010 8:08 pm

    Don’t believe that changing to cooperate with the needs of this world would make you fit in perfectly. I think that where we fit in most perfectly is where our happiness balances in the most elegant way – no matter what sort of shitshow life throws at us, we don’t let it bog us down (too much, i guess). But that equilibrium of happiness can only happen if we’re truly happy with who we are, and being who you are is something that can’t be determined or sought out or meticulously created with heavy eye-liner and short skirts. It’s good to just…..”be” – without having to think about it.

    a quote from my main man, Steve Jobs:

    “Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

    word.

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