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The Onion

July 3, 2010

Yup. I’m doing another top 5. But this one really has to happen. These are the top 5 funniest Onion articles — in MY opinion.

But, before I unveil the five — I just want to talk about why the Onion is such a stunning publication. Number one: it’s hilarious. Yes, we already knew that, but it is so hilarious, that it’s hilarity bears mentioning. Also — it’s always there for you. In moments of boredom, the Onion extends it’s comic hand and says, “Hey there, come with me.” And then beautiful hours filled with laughter and happiness fly by, and all the while, you’re thinking, “God, I love the Onion.”

And the Onion is not simply filled with perfectly crafted comic articles — nay! They’ve extended their genius all the way into the realm of audio and video. And this is why I will actually be doing two countdowns. One for print articles, and one for videos.

We’ll start with print articles. Enjoy. (**These are in no particular order. I mean, it’s hard enough to choose a top 5 — but don’t ask me to put them in order … you bastard.**)

1. Breast Cancer Launches WNBA Awareness Month

2. Area Man Passionate Defender of What He Imagines Constitution to Be

3. Rywanda Think She So Goddamn Smart Ever Since Graduating From Fourth Grade

4. Whaler Sandwich ‘Not Sitting Too Good’ With Area Man

5. Candidate May Have Lied About Heroic Death in Vietnam

And now, for the videos

1. Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals After Visiting Denny’s

2. Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere

3. Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn’t Work

4. Tiny Dog Has Been Barking Nonstop for 6 Years

5. Report: Most College Males Admit To Regularly Getting Stoked

If there are ones I’ve missed — as I am sure I have — feel free to add them!

3 Comments leave one →
  1. John Brooks permalink
    July 12, 2010 12:55 pm

    I do believe you missed the greatest Onion video of all time:

    “How to Find a Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Gay Son.”,14378/

    • emiliab9291 permalink*
      July 12, 2010 1:24 pm

      Hahaha, that video is absolutely marvelous. There are really no words …

      • John Brooks permalink
        July 13, 2010 12:48 am

        Exactly. The best one they’ve ever done for the gays. Those little kids are precious.

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