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August 17, 2010

Sometimes, when I’m bored, I read jokes online … which, for the record, isn’t lame at all. Here are some really funny I want to share with the world (aka: my Mom and Dad — the only people who read this blog)

1. Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: “Saul, sell your business.” He ignores it, but it continues. “Saul, sell your business for $3 million.”  He finally relents and sells his store. The voice says, “Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas.” He obeys. The voice says, “Saul, go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand.” He hesitates but does it. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. “Saul, take a card.” What? The dealer has — “Take a card!” He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. “Saul, take another card.”W hat? “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!” He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. “Saul, take another card,” the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!” booms the voice. Hit me, Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: “un-fucking- believable!”

2. Two women went out for cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they realized they needed to pee. They were close to a graveyard, so decided to go behind a headstone. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend didn’t want to use her panties, so salvaged a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it, then went home. The next day the first woman’s husband phones the other’s husband and said, “These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties.” “That’s nothing,” said the other. “Mine came back with a sympathy card in her ass that said, ‘From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!’

3. Doctor: “What seems to be the problem?”
Patient: “Doc, I’ve got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,”
Doctor: [nodding] “Hmm.”
Patient: “My farts don’t stink and you can’t hear them. It’s just that I fart all the time! Look, we’ve been talking here for about 10 minutes and I’ve farted five times!”
Doctor: [picks up his pad and writes a prescription] “Hmm..”
Patient: “Great, doc! This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?”
Doctor: [sighing] No. The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.”

If you’ve got some good jokes, post ’em!

5 Comments leave one →
  1. August 17, 2010 12:02 pm

    I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

  2. Gus Hastalis permalink
    August 17, 2010 12:52 pm

    Okay, maybe your mom and dad read this, but what am I? Mashed potatoes? Greek mashed potatoes?

  3. August 18, 2010 10:29 am

    Hey! Other people read your blog!!

    And I don’t get the first joke.

    • emiliab9291 permalink*
      August 18, 2010 10:36 am

      That’s the funniest one! Basically, the voice says, “un-fucking-believable” because the voice was just pulling everything out of it’s ass. It had no idea it would lead Saul to victory — it was just some crazy plan that ended up working. Seeee?

      • emiliab9291 permalink*
        August 18, 2010 10:37 am

        And I’m sorry I excluded you from my fanbase. That brings the number to a WHOPPING three!

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