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Hat People

November 15, 2010

In this world, there are two kinds of people: those that look good in hats, and those that do not. And, as the weather turns colder, it becomes easier to tell who is who.

Hats I wish I could wear ...

I, sadly, am not a hat person — though I deeply wish I was. Hats and I are like oil and water — we just don’t mix. And no matter how much I wish that I could pull off the hat look, I always end up disappointed, demoralized and disheartened.

Every year as winter rolls around I can only look longingly upon those people in their cute beanies with puff-balls on the top, wishing I, too, could crown myself with that wintery accessory. I wish my head could feel the embrace and security of that warm, fluffy distinction without it looking like a disaster — but hats and I are not meant to work in unison.

In vain I have struggled to understand why hats turn me into a haggard mess. Is it my hair style? Is it the shape of my face? Did some cruel witch cast a spell upon me as I left the womb, damning me to a life sans-hats?

I don’t know. And frankly, it hurts too much to contemplate it at length.

The girl on the left knows what I'm talking about ...

All my life, I’ve walked through clothing stores, rifling through mittens and scarves and leggings, but when I come upon the hat section, I pause and sigh — for I know that section is not meant for people like me. It just isn’t meant to be.

That doesn’t mean I don’t try — nay! In spite of all my failures in that department, I continue put myself through that ordeal. Denial can be an ugly thing. Each time I tell myself  it will be different — that this time, when I place that hat upon my head, I’ll look into the mirror and like what I see. And each time, I turn around, face the mirror, and once I’ve finished cringing, I pull off the hat in defeat, set it down, and wait for the disappointment to dissipate. I then move on to the mittens and lick my wounds.

These things turn me into a snow beast. And they look so innocent ...

And it doesn’t help that all around me, cute hats are being worn. It doesn’t help that my friends wear hats that I envy — they even offer to let me borrow them. If only they knew. If only they knew …

I’m going to be honest with you all —  I’ve even bought hats I know I’ll never wear. I hang them up in my closet and stare at them every time I choose an outfit. I look at them and think, “One day. One day …”

My friends, that day has yet to come. And until it does, I will continue my search — my mission — my dream. I will not yield. My spirit will not be defeated. Hats may have given up on me, but I sure as hell have not given up on them. My head will only go cold for so long. Sooner or later, a hat will warm up to me, and when it does, that hat will go on my head. And I will wear it with the utmost hat-ppiness.

(Also, I apologize for that final line.)

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. November 15, 2010 2:36 pm

    You have always looked delightful in hats. Wear them proudly and with confidence!

    • emiliab9291 permalink*
      November 15, 2010 2:45 pm

      Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks Dad!!

  2. Gus Hastalis permalink
    November 15, 2010 9:11 pm

    I always feel silly in hats, too. I love them. But they make me feel silly! Explain that! xoxoxo

  3. November 17, 2010 1:26 pm

    Let us judge! Please post some pics of YOU in a variety of hats 🙂

  4. November 20, 2010 5:22 am

    Hah

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