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Who’s to blame?

January 25, 2011

I point my finger.
I raise my finger.
I hide my finger.

I point my finger directly in front of me and see only my reflection in the air, in the lake, in the mirror, in my life.

And then I point at you.
And I ask, “Hey, what are you doing?”
And you say,
“Look who’s talking”
And I say,
But I think,
“I did.”
Yet, I pause and say,

And I leave it.
And my fingers have receded and I realize I’ve just conceded,
My argument’s defeated, my resources depleted —
All chance of change — defeated.

Because the static in the air is your fault, and my fault by default
Because I haven’t made you change.

I recycle. I vote.
I donate. I hope.
And when I look at you sifting through drive through value menus,
Steppin’ on the gas and forgetting about the past I say,
“Hey, what are you doing?”
And you say,
“Look who’s talking,”
And I say,
Because I can’t bring myself to look at myself.
Because your fault is my fault by default.

But let’s rewind behind the time you and I were intertwined in that drive thru line and I replied inside,
“I did.”
If, instead, I said aloud,
“I have. And you’re talking. And I can’t stand what you stand for,”
Then I’d have won.
And we’d have won.
Because I would have changed you to make change and we’d have set the stage for a new age of life and happiness on a blank, white page.

But life is no mix-tape — there’s no rewind.
That moment got left behind in the iron bind of me being too shy and too refined to say anything else but,

But okay is not an answer.
Okay is not an excuse.
Okay is just a word we use when we know we’ve got everything to lose,
So we lie and pretend we’re too obtuse to understand that the fault lies within me,
Within you.

If only I told you, if only I changed you,
If only I could find the strength to make you
Into what you could be, what you should be,
What — if your Mama taught you right — I know you would be.

But instead, I bow my head,
And turn to watch the sun — blood red —
With a soul that is dead and continue to say what I wish I had never once said,

One Comment leave one →
  1. January 25, 2011 1:53 pm

    I am loving the daily poetic rants. This is great stuff. Keep it coming.

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