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Suffering — Ignored

January 30, 2011

No candles. No cake.
No dumb hats like a sand papered pyramid.
No “HEY!” No surprise —
Well, a little surprise.
But it’s the silent kind.
The lonely kind.
Not the kind that fills the room and gushes through windows and blows back eyelids.
Not the kind that glues us together and peels away the self-imposed curtains.

I’m 15 years old today.
Mom and Dad forgot my birthday.
I’m 15 years old today.
I don’t even know what to say.
I’m 15 years old today.
No one remembered. And that’s okay.

Why? Why.
Who: Me.
What: this life.
Where: Anywhere but here.
When: NOW! Please. Get me anywhere but here right NOW!
Why?
So I can be anybody but the person standing in these shoes, in this doorway, in this town that doesn’t know I live here.
Why?
So I can bring the sound of surprise into a room without first having to overcome the impenetrable barrier of disinterest.
Why?
So that when I breathe and exhale and breathe in again, I have completed an action that I feel is a burden on no one.
So that action becomes a celebration — not a resignation.
Why?
So that when I turn 16, I’ll know what to say.
So that when I turn 16, I won’t feel like running away.
So that when I turn 16 — that day won’t be like today.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 31, 2011 4:35 pm

    The picture’s confusing 😉

    • emiliab9291 permalink*
      January 31, 2011 4:52 pm

      Confusing how? Please, elaborate! 😀

      (But seriously, elaborate…)

  2. Victoria Zielinski permalink
    February 1, 2011 8:26 pm

    Boo hoo.

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