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On Forth and Back

June 7, 2012

I want to clear something up right now. There are things in this world that go unmentioned because we feeble humans are scared to challenge the status quo. We live our lives under a blanket of conformity, fearing the moment we peek from beneath our covers and feel the sun’s burn against our retinas.

But not I. Nay–though I know the path be jagged, though the waters may be rough, there comes a time when every human has to look at themselves in the mirror and say, “You’ve got to speak up, dammit.” So I will. I will, by God.

FORTH, then back

EVERYONE. The phrase “BACK AND FORTH” is a fraud! It is a lie! It has infiltrated every home, family and short story on God’s green earth, ransacked our libraries and raped our basic understandings of fundamental movement.

How, my friends, if one is, for instance, pacing about, HOW can one pace BACK, before one has paced FORTH? One simply cannot do this, my friends, and it is this critical miscommunication in juxtaposition that is tainting our minds and altering all we know about relativity and space time!

Ladies and gentlemen of the internet–one must, indeed, journey forth before one can even conceive a journey back! It has been this way since the brave William Lewis and Meriwether Clark set a moccasined foot forth in their brave expedition to achieve manifest destiny; since Moses journeyed forth into the sea he so divinely parted; since our all-powerful creator journeyed forthin his quest to create this living, vibrant,

FORTH, but not necessarily back in this case

pulsating universe that, now, risks destruction at the hands of faulty syntax.

But fear not–we can stop this grammatical bullet before it pierces the heart of mankind. If you, and I, and your children, and your grandchildren who are still only a glint in your eyes, can manage to spread the word, to make it known to the world that the only and correct phrase to use in describing one’s travels is “forth and back,” then, by God, the human race still has a chance.

So please, go forth on your mission, and then back to this blog for further updates on the state of humanity.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. June 8, 2012 9:27 am

    Hahaha Emilia I’m in love with your writing style!!!

  2. July 6, 2012 1:31 pm

    Did you go forth to the future to post this? It’s July 6, yet I’m reading your post from July 7. Crazy! Teach me your time traveling ways!!

  3. July 6, 2012 1:33 pm

    Nope. I’m a dork. JUNE 7th. Bummer. I was very excited about learning some new time traveling skills to go with the astral
    projection skills I’m currently perfecting 😉

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